There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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