New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
