how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
