just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
