she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
