Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
