Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
