I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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