i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
