I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
