I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
