Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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