when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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