He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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