so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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