I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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