She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
