can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
