Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
