what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
