3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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