I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
