...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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