Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
