The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
