I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
