i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
