i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
