I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
