the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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