i need an iv and a liver transplant
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
