I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
