I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
