I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Quick, to the slutcave!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
