I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
