I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
