sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
