my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
