Pappa wants mamma naked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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