First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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