I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
