I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
