took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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