I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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