If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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