I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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