I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
