He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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