and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
