Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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