He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
