I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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