Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
